Thursday, October 5, 2017

Between Two Humans: A Cat's Memoir

The sun rises on the treat platform and sets over the dining room bed. In between is nap time. My name is Marble. I'm a cat and I share my home with two humans.

The two humans sleep in a large human bed, but only at night. It makes a nice warm spot between them, perfect for napping, cuddling, and tunneling under the blankets, but then in the morning they get up and leave, and every morning I ask why they would ever leave the best place in the house for naps and cuddling. And despite my best arguments, they get out of bed. As a compromise, they put treats on the top of my treat platform, in the corner by the sunbeam. Sometimes they hum You're So Vain by Carly Simon, sometimes they make up words for me.

I had a dream they were 
Treats on my platform
Treats on my platform

They think I don't know their songs, but I do. I listen intently to everything.

When they're away I read their books. It's important to know the humans. They live in my house and must be understood.  

After the humans leave for work, it's time for patrol. I have to check the house, see if any toys need to be played with. Sometimes toys hide under the TV, they're clever like that. But I check every nook and crevice. 

If a toy is out of place, I stalk it, track it down, wait for my moment to pounce.

After pouncing, it's time for a nap. 

Then it's back on patrol. I not only have to keep the toys in order, I also guard the windows in case that old tomcat Moses comes prowling around. 

It's important to patrol every part of the house.

After patrols it's time for another nap, and as the sun moves to the dining room bed, I follow.

Eventually the humans will come home. I keep watch until they do.

Humans go to work every day, except vacations and special holidays called humans work from home day. When the humans are home, life is good, because humans have laps.

A lap is a wonderful thing and it is made from a combination of humans and books.

Laps can also be made with a television.

Sometimes a dog stays with us and I have to watch the dog.

After books, television, and watching the dog, the humans finally - finally! - take my advice and go to bed, where I have already left toys for them to play with. When they're both in bed I jump between them, that's my spot. While they're asleep I'm out on night patrol.

Come morning, I'll be up on my treat platform ready to do it all over again.

My name is Marble. I'm a cat.

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